Do better.

I learned a new word a few weeks ago: kaizen. From the Oxford English Dictionary Online, kaizen is defined as:

A Japanese business philosophy of continuous improvement in working practices, personal efficiency, etc.; hence, an improvement in performance or productivity.

Business aside, the idea of "continuous improvement" really resonates with me, particularly in response to my last post of living in the present. You see, I always want to be a better person, in nearly every way. Yet, at the same time, I feel like I do the best I can and that should be enough. But if I'm always looking to improve, it seems as though my best is most certainly not good enough. 

Finding that sweet spot in between just being and being better can be a little tricky.  I imagine that sweet spot to be santosha, or contentment, the second of the niyamas (one of Patanjali's Eight Limbs of Yoga).

For the most part, I consider myself to be a pretty content person. I also consider myself to be patient, kind, generous and compassionate. Still, I can reflect back on times when I could have been more patient, shown more kindness, been more generous, or perhaps acted with more compassion. Continuous improvement reminders, all of them.

So, do I want to be better or do I want to be content? Are the two mutually exclusive? 

Whether it be personally or professionally, I have this persistent drive to be better. A thorough psychological evaluation might reveal that my constant desire for improvement is somehow linked to self-esteem issues, feelings of inferiority, fear of failure, who knows? What I have come to understand, about myself, is that I am most content when I know that I have put forth sincere efforts and moved forward with the best intentions.  The end result, whether it be success of failure, generally doesn't matter. I'm all for "try, try again."  I just know that this is part of my character. Kaizen is part of my character. Santosha comes when I accept all parts of my character to be parts of my true self.  

Namaste, my friends :)

Are you keeping time in Being Present? There's no keeping time in Being Present!

One of the things I struggle with is being in the present. Sometimes it feels very natural for me to be in the present. I just am. But then other days, I worry that I dwell too much on past performances and future goals.

For instance, yesterday I ran my fifth 5k race of the season. Back in January, after a very rough 2012, I declared 2013 the "Year of Angel" and made a pretty ambitious list of goals for the year. One of my goals was to run eight 5ks this season. Granted, I have yet to "run" an entire course, completing number five felt pretty good. I only completed four races the entire season last year so I made it past that halfway mark. Hooray! Likewise, my slowest time this year, 35:21, is about five minutes faster than my fastest time last year, 40:23 (which was just three months after I had a hysterectomy). Aaaand there I go again: a lot of past, some future, no present.

What is wrong with me? (Oh, there you are, present tense.)

*breathe*

I know that nothing is wrong with me. It takes time to learn to live in the present. While the success of my professional work is built around planning, I believe that I am an inherent planner. I am not nearly as anxious about the future as I once was but I still map out my days, weeks, and months, sometimes multiple-months in advance. (Thank you Save-the-Date culture.) Additionally, I've spent a lot of time in front of students teaching them strategies of setting and achieving goals; these are undoubtedly good skills but are still rooted in that which is beyond the present.

Likewise, I've learned a lot about the art of letting go, particularly when it comes to those non-material possessions that seemed to haunt my soul or hinder my spirit. I am grateful for all the generous and loving coaches, mentors, and roles models I've had throughout my adult life. So very grateful. Of course, in situations of immense loss or pain, letting go is neither easy nor artful, it is simply an experience.

But being in the present? That can be tough.

My intent for this blog was to write about starting and finishing. I was going to use my 5k races as a metaphor for my semesters insofar as I often start strong but finish not-so-strong. Early in the season, I confessed to Aaron that I never finish as strongly as I should.  I told him that if I'm walking and I can see the finish line, I sometimes continue to walk. I told him that if I'm running when I cross the finish line, I'm not running full-speed ahead. Aaron encouraged me to finish strong. He said I should always try and finish strong. And I know he's right. I should.

The semester begins tomorrow. I have spent the past month preparing for my start. I will begin with an intent to finish strong. In the space between beginning and ending, I will do my best to just be.

Namaste, my friends :)

Eat, Drink, and Be Merry!

This fall term, which for me officially begins on August 26th, I will be teaching three sections of composition at the community college, taking three courses in my nutrition program, working an internship, and (I hope) teaching some yoga classes.  Of course there are other tasks on my agenda (i.e. eat, sleep, be merry) but the work- and school-related tasks will undoubtedly top the list.  That said, I've spent the past few weeks easing my way back into work mode: exchanging emails, writing syllabi, and beginning work on my internship.

My internship is with the the New York State Public Health Association or NYSPHA for short.  In October, NYSPHA will be holding a workshop, "Creating Effective Partnerships to End Childhood Obesity," in Albany. The keynote presenter, Victoria W. Rogers, MD, is the director of the Let's Go! program.  From the program's website: 

Let’s Go! is helping kids and families eat healthy and be active. We understand it’s important to have a consistent message about healthy habits where you live, learn, work and play. So we partner with teachers, doctors, child care providers, and community organizations to help share the same four healthy habits of “5 2 1 0” everyday:
5 – fruits and veggies
2 – hours or less of recreational screen time*
1 – hour or more of physical activity
0 – sugary drinks, more water and low-fat milk
* Keep TV/computer out of bedroom. No screen time under the age of 2

I think this is a fantastic idea and I am so excited to have the opportunity to participate in the NYSPHA workshop.Our children are our future but what we do for them now, what we do for ourselves now, fuels that future. 

As you begin to map out your own agenda for fall, remember to incorporate some nutritious eats, healthy drinks, and active merry-making! Namaste :)

Let's talk about stealing. Or education. Or both.

This morning, this story on NPR.org caught my eye. The idea of the thief, or thieves, returning the loot with the note was touching and, because it's NPR, I thought I might read through a few of the comments.  As an aside, I generally venture into "Comment" zones with great caution as one never knows what lies beneath.  In any case, one of the commentators on this particular article made a joke about "Robin Hood [having] a 3rd grade education." Now, even as I sit here after typing that out, I must take pause.  Education is a big deal and few things will stir me more than discussing the state of education in this country.  So I pause.

The Yama, consisting of a list of five character-building restraints, is the first of Patanjali's Eight-Fold path toward leading a life of meaning and ethical intent. The third restraint in this list of Yamas is asteya, which means: Do not steal. The connection between the news story and this Yama is obvious. The thieves should not have stolen the loot in the first place, right? But anyone who's ever had anything -- physical or otherwise -- taken from them knows how truly devastating loss can be.

This morning, however, I cannot help but wonder about this thing called opportunity. As Americans, we pride ourselves in the fact that we are a land of opportunity.  If that is the case, then are we to presume that everyone in this country has the opportunity to obtain an education? And what if that doesn't happen?  Or what if it's not possible?  What, then, has become of the opportunity?  Has the action of taking the opportunity been aborted or has the opportunity itself simply been taken away? Or, might we say, stolen away?

Noticing the Scenery

I once worked for a very wealthy lady who told me that money doesn't make one happy but it does make life easier.  While I knew the "Money doesn't buy happiness" bit to be true, I only suspected the latter to be true.  Affluent people rarely seem willing to admit to the easy life, or perhaps they may be unable to discern the difference between happiness and ease?  In any case, it was refreshing to hear her ready, no-nonsense confirmation.

This morning, in an attempt to figure out how I'm going to pay my bills for the month, I dedicated some time to my non-income issue.  (For the record, I will begin teaching in the fall, I just have to make it through August.) One of the biggest challenges is not allowing myself to get distracted by other issues that are somewhat related but not truly relevant. In order to avoid those distractions (which hardly ever end up being productive and oftentimes leave me feeling irritated and somewhat resentful), I have to stop what I am doing and move on to another activity.  That is what I have decided to do today.  

The other activity I was planning was not writing this blog; it was my yoga practice. As I pushed papers aside, closed my calender and began to shift my mental focus, I was struck by the act of switching gears.  In order to move out of my muddled head space onto the openness of my mat, I was going to have to switch gears. Perhaps more than once. Thus my intention was to write about the metaphor of switching gears.  However, in the process, it seems that my intention was not, in fact, what I really wanted to write about. And so I allow myself, via the wonderful vehicle of writing, to simply notice the scenery as I journey from an uneasy mind to a state of mindful ease.  Namaste :)

Two shall become one :)

Before I went to Kripalu, I primarily took vinyasa flow classes. At Kripalu, our main practice was hatha yoga.  Pretty significant difference.  I love my vinyasa flow classes. Most of them are hot and vigorous and I always end the class feeling as though I'd gotten an amazing workout. But I also realize the vigorous vinyasa classes generally attract students looking for a very specific practice.

What I love about Kripalu yoga is how it integrates all the different types of yoga: Bhakti (devotion), Karma (action/sequence), Jnana (knowledge) and Hatha (physical health) into one practice. Getting that full yoga experience is what truly draws me to the mat.  Kripalu focuses a great deal on centering, meditation, self-inquiry and compassion (on and off the mat).

While I still love my vigorous vinyasa, I now have a much deeper appreciation of the history, philosophy, and ethics of yoga.  My initial intention is to construct a Kripalu yoga class for beginners, infused with bits and pieces of yogic philosophy.  At the same time, I would like my asana sequence to have a nice flow...sort of a slow-mo vinyasa flow. So that is my challenge/goal for today.  Happy Friday!

August

August has always signified a time of new beginnings which can, at once, be joyous and sorrowful.  After all, a new beginning generally implies there is also an ending. August is a gift. It is a period in which we are allowed to reflect on that which we have finished and that which we have yet to begin.  Yes, be scared!  Yes, be excited!  Yes, be cautious!  Yes, be courageous!  Bid a long, sweet, and very deserving farewell to the hot summer that will soon be behind us and look ahead -- beyond the horizon -- to the many exciting adventures that await.  We are given thirty-one days to sit in the center of transition, to truly absorb the changes caused by the thermal energy of summer, to appreciate the gentle balance of all that was and all that will be.  

Namaste :)

Integrating, Integrating

There are so many things to write about and yet it seems there is so little time.  My first week home from teacher training has, thus far, been busy.  I've reconnected with friends (lunches, dinners, yoga class, yoga on a boat!); made a little progress toward personal business issues; registered for a class (for which I'd been waitlisted -- yay!); picked up a third teaching assignment (declined a fourth); started to catch-up on Facebook (this may take a while); did come cooking(!) and taken the girls for some happy walks in the park.  Hooray, hooray!

My goal is to integrate some of aspects of my training time into my "real" life.  So far it's been a slow process but then again, it has not yet been a week.  Integration takes time. I'm hoping that I can get back into a routine of writing a few lines every morning, followed by a short morning yoga practice.  I really miss our morning sadhana.

In the meantime, I shall take the girls for a morning walk as Pippin has been madly ringing the bell for the last few minutes.  What can I say?  It is a sweet, sweet sound of home.  Namaste :)

Day Twenty-Seven

I write this post from the comfort of home during what seems to be a late, late evening hour.  Today was the final day of our teacher training program.  However, even as I write that opening sentence, I somehow already miss the routine of training; I had, likewise, grown quite fond of the morning sadhana practice with all the other students in the big room that had become our home.

Yesterday morning we had a special sadhana with live music, which was such a treat.  I have to say, one thing that I love so much about yoga is the role music plays in setting the atmosphere for practice. Spending a month of immersion training allowed me to not only experience many different instructors, but also many different styles of music.  The gentleman who came in yesterday simply played a drum and a string instrument...it was so lovely.  

Our morning program consisted of a lecture and discussion on ethics and our afternoon program was a very moving exercise in expressing silent gratitude.  Last night was an amazing evening of celebrating.  A small group of students organized the celebration and it was truly an impressive display of original songwriting (in two days!), voice, dance, and wit.  

This morning we had another special sadhana: it opened with a puja ceremony which included candlight, rose petals, water, and prayer.  All of these elements, of course, symbolic and meaningful.  After breakfast, we had our graduation ceremony which was -- as good things often are -- bittersweet.  

I'd like to share this quotation with you that my dear friend Peg shared with me:

Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born."

~Anais Nin

How fortunate can one soul be to have so many worlds born unto them in such a short period of time?  I imagine I will be counting my blessings until the end of days.

Day Twenty-Six

Today is our last full day of training. Yesterday was packed full of lectures and exercises from start to finish. In the afternoon we had a fantastic guest give a presentation on the business of yoga. Those of you who know know me may not be surprised to read that I came away from the talk anxious to open my own studio. However, I have a few very important projects to finish before that could happen, chief among them, of course, finishing my masters program. Nevertheless, it was an exciting prospect and I am always happy to entertain such ideas.

Our afternoon sadhana was, perhaps, my favorite yet. We were able to be outside -- the weather has been glorious this week -- and we did partner yoga! It was so much fun! Each time we did a new posture, we switched partners, which was also fun. With sixty-three other classmates, it's difficult to get to know everyone, even in a month's time. But the sadhana was awesome, so much so that yes, I would love to lead partner yoga classes!

Last night we had another meditation in motion program. Again, I got to be in a small group with new people which made the exercise quite wonderful. The people here have such sweet souls...amazing and generous and sweet, sweet souls.

Namaste, my friends :)

Day Twenty-Five

Today is Wednesday and we only have two full days of training left as the only planned activity on Friday is our graduation ceremony. Yesterday was Practice Teach Three: sixty-four students each leading a one-hour class can make a long day. But it was good and my Practice Teach went well.

Last night my bunk mate and I went into town and treated ourselves to frozen yogurt. Well, she treated me (thanks, Sheila!). Knowing that I will be returning to the real world soon, I did some 5k-training that felt very slow, but very good. My cardio workouts have been few and far between this summer as I tried to make space for this yoga training. My hope is that once I return, I will be able to find a nice balance between the two. For now, however, I shall do my yogic duty and live in the present, enjoying these last few days at Kripalu. Namaste, my friends :)

Day Twenty-Four

The exam went well. There were 90 questions, and the final question was a full-page essay question (which, to me, seemed mostly opinion- and/or experience-based). The staff graded our exams during the day and returned them last night. I missed three points (two matching and one true/false) but I was pretty happy with my score.

We had our final posture clinic of the program yesterday. Hooray, hooray! For a special treat, as part of the integration process, our afternoon sadhana was a session of restorative yoga, led by one of our fantastic directors. The session was marvelous and really enabled me to see how the different yoga postures are incorporated into that specific genre of yoga. Likewise, I was able to learn the benefits (aside from simply resting and relaxing), so in many ways, it was a rewarding experience.

Last night we had a Practice Teach Three prep session. Today is our final Practice Teach of the program: leading an hour-long class. And guess what? I'm up first thing this morning (and happy to have landed the spot!). So deep breath in....and let it out...namaste, my friends :)

Day Twenty-Three

Happy Monday!

I have reclaimed my blogging spot in the cafe this morning. This shall be a brief post as it is nearly 6:10 a.m. and our sadhana begins in twenty-minutes.

Yesterday was filled with posture clinics: parighasana (gate), ardha chandrasana (half-moon), trikonasana (triangle), kapotasana (pigeon), and setu bhandasana (bridge). We got to have our afternoon session outside which was lovely.

Last night I studied with Sarah, Peg, and Sheila, three wonderful new friends I have made here. This morning we have our two-and-a-half hour written exam after breakfast and tomorrow is Practice Teach Three! So near the end, it's unbelievable. Namaste, my friends!

Day Twenty-Two

Good morning from the magnificently serene sun room. I have ventured up here to study with my dear friend Sarah. The weather this morning is cool and pleasant and I hope that continues through our final week of training.

Yesterday was a day off. I awoke early (at home) and finished my laundry, wrapped a birthday gift (Happy Birthday, Ellenor!), walked the dogs, and had breakfast with Aaron. I also gave the dogs a little body bath, delivered the gift, did a marathon shopping trip, and enjoyed some frozen yogurt with Nicole before heading back.

By the time I attended my yoga class, ate dinner, and wrote up my report, it was already nearly eight o'clock in the evening. So yesterday felt like a whirlwind. My hope is that today will be more grounding. Namaste, my friends.

Day Twenty and Day Twenty-One

Hello, friends!  Once again I fired up my laptop in order to type up my guest observation report.  So why not type my blog from a real keyboard instead of my cell phone?  The downside is that it is already 8:38 in the evening and I still have a fair amount of studying to do so my update shall be brief.  That said, there are so many experiences from my training on which I'd like to elaborate but I never feel like I have the luxury of time.  Therefore, I am keeping good notes on certain experiences/topics and will write more once I return home. In the meantime, a recap of Thursday and Friday:

Day Twenty: Thursday
The religious scholar returned for another morning lecture.  While the lecture was great, I have to say my biggest take-away from the morning was a renewed desire to read Emerson and Thoreau...and I have never been much of an Americanist (when it comes to literature, that is).  So that's something.

During the afternoon we had our final anatomy and physiology lecture.  Our guest speaker offered so much more than the technicalities of anatomy and physiology.  To be sure, she applied systems (i.e. digestive, muscular, immune, etc.) biology to the practice of yoga but she so elegantly integrated yogic philosophy into each segment of her lectures.  Such an inspiration.

We had an evening session on meditation (to kick off our 24-hours of silent meditation).  We were guided through various types of meditation and paired up for an exercise in guiding meditation.  Then we were given our "In Loving Silence" badges and sent away for the evening.

Day Twenty-One: Friday
Yesterday was an entire day of silent meditation.  We had a self-guided morning sadhana, focused on meditation and meditation in motion.  During our morning program, we were guided through a few extended types of meditation.  The first focused on the breath.  This is the meditation with which I am most familiar but I feel like I'm still riding the learning curve. Which is essentially to say I do not feel that I have experienced a deep meditative state while focusing on the breath.

The second meditation we did was an asana meditation.  The posture we worked with was bridge (or setu bandhasana).  The asana meditation was, for me, a profoundly incredible experience...very moving.  I need to ruminate more on the experience itself before I attempt to put it into words.

Our afternoon program consisted of an extended exercise in walking/mindful meditation.  I feel that over the past seven years, I have developed a deep connection and appreciation with nature. I've spent a lot of time practicing walking meditation...I just didn't realize there was a name for it.

Our afternoon sadhana included a sensory-deprivation exercise.  We were blind-folded and had ear-plugs on while we did a self-guided sadhana.  While some of my classmates felt very empowered by the exercise, I found it terribly unsettling.

The (almost) 24-hours passed very quickly.  I didn't like being electronically disconnected...which is kind of a sad realization...but I certainly didn't mind the silence.  I would even say I enjoyed it.

Namaste, my friends.

Day Nineteen

It is not quite six a.m. and I am already feeling sticky and hot due to the heat. I am starting to feel ready to be home. The heat is exhausting and I miss my privacy. The good news is the end is very near.

Yesterday morning we did our final conscious communication exercise. I spoke of an incident wherein one of my closest friends said something extremely hurtful to me, on so many different levels. When I finally had the courage to communicate how much pain it had caused me, I was met with, "Well, that's really sad that it took you that long to tell me." I know that it takes me a long time to process information; I spend a lot of time in my head. Likewise, I also know that that is not always good for relationships. I realize this behavior is not only linked to a few other fears but stems from being raised in a household where children were meant to be seen and not heard. So it's a process...ongoing and evolving :)

Yesterday afternoon we had an amazing speaker. (Seriously amazing.) She seems pretty young but has experienced a lot in her life. She is scholarly, worldly, motivated, inspirational (pardon me while I have my groupie moment) and teaches vinyasa flow! Not to mention being such a dynamic speaker of course. After her talk, we had an incredible sadhana/workshop on vinyasa flow.

Last night we had a wonderful guest musician come in to entertain us while we did partner massage. I imagine that contributed to my good night's sleep.

So speaking of not speaking, tomorrow (beginning tonight, actually) is silent meditation day. We're encouraged to not only be silent but to "unplug" so there shall be no blog post tomorrow. However, I will resume posting on Saturday (and hope I can remember two days' worth of information). It is now time for morning sadhana. Happy Thursday AND Friday to all! Namaste :)

Day Eighteen

This morning I awoke at 4:50 and instead of getting up, went back to sleep until my alarm awoke me again at 5:40. I had fallen into such a deep sleep that the alarm startled me (only the third time I have been awakened by it) when it went off. My head was a bit disoriented while getting dressed but I managed to get to thus point in the morning so I have already accomplished something. Hooray!

Yesterday was long and exhausting. My Practice Teach went well, much better than my first, so the program part of the day ended on a good note for me. I spent the evening hanging out with Sarah, having some nice heart-to-heart chats, then we prepared a yummy makeshift peach cobbler in the dining hall. It was a short, but wonderfully decompressing evening. Now it is already time for sadhana...namaste, my friends :)

Day Seventeen

Good morning :) It is Practice Teach Two day today. Practice Teach days are kind of like exam days: lots of preparatory work (formal and informal) and lots of anxiety. I wouldn't exactly say I feel "ready" for my Practice Teach, but I'm mostly prepared. My time slot is not until after lunch so I'm confident I'll be more-than-ready to go by then.

Yesterday we spent the morning in posture clinic and the afternoon doing shadow-mentoring (in preparation for today). Last night we had to come together again as a group for more preparation. I was not having the best day so I was happy when we finally dispersed for evening (around nine which felt quite late).

There is no morning sadhana but I shall put the finishing touches on my class outline and eat an early breakfast. Our morning session is starting an hour early today so, despite having the evening off, I imagine everyone will be exhausted by six p.m.. Namaste, my friends :)

Day Sixteen

Yesterday we spent the morning and part of the afternoon doing posture clinics which included downward facing dog or adho mukha svanasana...or down dog, for short :) When I first started doing yoga, I thought down dog was one of the most challenging poses. It was very difficult for me to hold for even a few seconds. Eventually I found it much easier and could hold the posture long enough for my instructor to make the proper adjustments. Then it was difficult again. And so the cycle continued until my instructors were no longer making adjustments. Then I arrived here. Down dog was really one of the postures I thought I had mastered, but as it turns out, not quite yet. I'm close though! My heels may never touch the ground but that may be a result of my skeletal anatomy. Or it could be a result of my running so it may just take longer to get to the ground; either way, it's okay. One of the great things about this program is the degree to which I'm learning all the intricacies of the practice, the philosophy, and the human anatomy.

Our final clinic of the afternoon was on relaxation. Can I truly express to you how absolutely fabulous this was? For our Practice Teach Two, we'll have about four minutes to guide the students through relaxation during savasana and I'm so looking forward to it. Depending on our guest instructor (during our sadhanas), we will occasionally have an extended savasana (anywhere from 15-20 minutes), which is especially luxurious. One of the best gifts I have received from practicing yoga is the ability to allow my body to completely relax yet my mind remain fully present (also relaxed). This is one of the many gifts I hope to share with my students. Namaste, my friends :)

Day Fifteen

I am able to enjoy a somewhat leisurely morning as I attended my guest yoga class last night -- and finished my report! Nevertheless, I still have a good deal of studying to do before our morning session begins at nine. And so begins week three of our training :)

We will have our Practice Teach Two on Tuesday morning which involves teaching a 45-minute yoga class to our small groups [of four each]. We will have a third and final Practice Teach next week wherein the class length is extended to 60-minutes. Although preparing for these Practice Teach sessions is a lot if work, I find the exercises extremely helpful. I definitely look forward to the day I will have the privilege of teaching my own class. 

In the meantime, however, I shall head upstairs for an early breakfast. I hope you all enjoy this lovely  Sunday morning. Namaste :)

Day Fourteen

Today officially marks my half-way point through the program.  Hooray, hooray!  I am treating myself by firing up my laptop this evening, as late as it is.

Actually, the real reason I was on my laptop was to do some thinking through my fingers as I typed out my second guest observation report for tomorrow.  I find that I sometimes work quicker by tapping keys rather than pushing a pen across page.  However, given our lack of technology, I end up transcribing my work anyway as there are no print stations here.  Alas.

So it is after ten o'clock in the evening and far past my teacher training bedtime.  Thus the original post I had planned to write will have to be shortened a bit.

We had a fantastic morning sadhana guest instructor yesterday.  She addressed working with diverse populations and showed us a few different ways we could incorporate chair yoga into our teaching.  It was super-interesting.

We spent yesterday morning learning about the Bhagavad Gita which I found immensely fascinating.  And while I do not consider Wikipedia a credible source, I have included a link that may be a good starting point for any of you who may be interested in more details.  (Check the references at the bottom as well!)

Yesterday afternoon we did an extended voice clinic with one of the [many] amazing instructors here. It involved a lot of loosening up of body and vocal chords as well as regulating breath with speech and practice in projecting.  What a wonderfully delightful way to spend an afternoon learning about voice.

Our afternoon sadhana was one of the best yet (I think).  Our very energetic (and charismatic) guest instructor guided us through some new poses and invited us to challenge ourselves to try them.  While I had experience doing most of the poses, I learned some new variations as well as styles of teaching [those variations] which I found supremely helpful.

I did drive home last night to do laundry, eat pizza, take the dogs to the park and bring back a few items I had left the week before.  I was back on campus by one o'clock this afternoon.  My dear, sweet friend Nicole came to visit this afternoon and we spent a good part of the afternoon exploring Lennox, which is truly charming.  I gave Nicole my version of the building tour and a brief tour of the grounds...or part of them.

And now it is 10:30 so I should try to wind myself down from my short but wonderful whirlwind weekend.  Namaste :)

Day Thirteen

It is chilly enough this morning for me to wear both a tank top and a tee-shirt. If I were to spend any amount of time (above the 20-minutes I have before I need to be at sadhana, that is) sitting near this open window, I would also choose to wear a jacket. As cool as the morning air is, however, it is a refreshing change from the hot, humid days we had earlier in the week.

I was also thinking, as I sit here typing this post in the most elementary fashion (using a single index finger!), that once I leave here, I shall miss this lovely view. I wish everyone could so appreciate the gift and grandeur of nature.

In our morning session yesterday, we learned about reflective listening. Reflective listening is essentially listening to what another person has to say and then repeating it back to them, rather than interpreting it. This is very similar to an exercise I had my students at Ohio State do, so the morning session felt a lot like review. Earlier last week, we learned about co-listening wherein the listener *only* listens and does not respond in any way. The purpose of this is simply to give the talker a chance to talk his or her feelings out. Each of these techniques were followed by an exercise; I have say I found the non-responding much more difficult. Nonetheless, both are good practices.

We spent the afternoon learning about the muscles, more A&P. The instructor is a very talented teacher and, despite just finishing two semesters of A&P, I felt I needed the review.

It is now time for morning sadhana. Happy Friday, my friends! Namaste:)

Day Twelve

At this time, one year ago today, I was leaving for the hospital for my hysterectomy. Today I am nearly to the halfway point of my yoga teacher training. Thus I begin the morning by feeling especially grateful for all the blessings I have been given over this past year.

We spent yesterday morning discussing our Practice Teach sessions from Tuesday. Our instructors gave us a handout filled with helpful hints, many of which would be applicable to teachers in any field.

In the afternoon we had an interactive anatomy/yoga DVD viewing with a guest speaker. I have to admit, I became a  little sleepy during that session.  Our afternoon sadhana, however, was fantastic. We have a different instructor each time and yesterday it was one of the more well-known instructors.  That was exciting.

I was able to study a bit last night, but mostly it was low-key and relaxing. It is now time for sadhana so I will share my thoughts on oral-care another time. Namaste :)

Day Eleven

We spent the entire day doing our Practice Teach Ones yesterday. I think mine went okay, but of course not as smoothly as I had hoped. Nonetheless, it was a good experience and we have two more before our session ends.

Our afternoon sadhana was yoga nidra which is essentially sleep yoga. We don't actually sleep but it's  a guided, deep meditation in savasana...the entire time. It was pretty relaxing, lots of verbal visualizations, but after about 45 minutes my body began to feel a little stiff so I had to readjust. Regardless of my experience, I can definitely see the benefits.

I spent most of my evening off with Cat, one of the lovely new friends I have made. We visited the gift shop where there are so many wonderful things! Then we ate dinner with some other girls (we had pasta last night...yum!) and afterward took a walk to the lake. Sweet Sarah was at the lake and she accompanied us on our return :) Cat and I ended our evening with a nice long chat over ice cream (or shall I say rice cream?). It was a divine way to spend a free evening.

We have another free evening tonight but my hope is to get some serious studying in. After my shower, I wandered around the other floors of the building and found some fantastic spaces...the sun room, the study room, and the meditation room. Always something to look forward to! Namaste :)

Day Ten

It is 5:45 a.m. and I am up especially early to prepare for my first practice teach.

Yesterday we spent both the morning and afternoon sessions doing posture clinics. The clinics focused on back extensions, primarily the bow and cobra poses. I enjoy the back extensions and have recently been able to hold my wheel position for ten breaths, but they can be somewhat taxing on my body.

We shall have some time off this evening; I will be happy for a little break. Happy Tuesday, everyone! Namaste :)

Day Nine

Good morning! It is finally Monday! I say that because all day yesterday seemed like it should have been Monday.

Yesterday was my birthday and I literally got to be the center of attention at our morning program. Unless I am in teaching mode, that sort of thing generally makes me uncomfortable, but it was very sweet and wonderful. And it was a lovely day (save a few bug bites) filled with lots of warm and genuine happy birthday wishes.

We spent some time in a posture clinic yesterday morning and the afternoon focused on anatomy. During our afternoon sadhana, our anatomy instructor led us through a practice which incorporated specific parts of our lesson. It was a nice illustration of application.

I celebrated my birthday last night by having a second helping of delicious Welcome Bread at dinner. It was a good day.

Now it is time for morning sadhana. Namaste :)

Day Eight

Today marks the first day of our second week of training. It feels a little strange to have the work weeks begin on a Sunday. Looking ahead, it seems like a long week but I know the days (and nights!)  will go by quickly.

We do not have a morning sadhana today so I have some time before our 9:00 a.m. program session. I have already showered and am simply waiting for the dining hall to open at seven so I can enjoy an early breakfast. I have a few lines to write in order to finish out my report so that should leave me some study time before our morning session.

Oh, since I have time this morning, I'd like to share some from our philosophy lecture last week. The second character-building restraint under the Yamas (the first of Patanhali's Eight Limbs) is Satya which is the Sanskrit word for truth. And one guideline of this restraint is:
Before you speak, ask yourself three questions: Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?

Isn't that wonderful? Imagine a world wherein the people were so conscientious of themselves. Wouldn't that be lovely? Another interpretation by Swami Kripalu (hence, Kripalu) is before you speak, ask yourself if it will be an improvement upon silence. Really great words to live by.

With that, I shall close this post and go enjoy my silent breakfast. Have an extraordinary day, my friends! Namaste :)

Day Seven

I made a quick trip home last night to do some laundry and pick up a few items I forgot to bring with me last weekend.  Subsequently, I ended up leaving a few items at the house again this afternoon.  Alas.

Yesterday we had a truly amazing lecture on yoga philosophy which focused on the first two limbs of Patanjali's Eight-Limbed Path, the Yamas (character-building restraints) and Niyamas (character-building observances).  Our guest lecturer was a well-read scholar and an incredibly dynamic speaker.  Suffice it to say, the lecture was both informative and interesting.

We had a short posture clinic in the afternoon and each student had a check-in with one of the assistants wherein we demonstrated two postures and had a brief one-on-on discussion afterward.  I'm happy to say my check-in went very well.

Today was our day off from the program.  However, we have an observation report due tomorrow morning so, in order to complete that, we had/have to attend another class sometime over the weekend.  I attended my class this evening but I still have to write up my report.

And so I will end this post and ready myself for week two of my training.  Namaste :)

Day Six

Well, it seems as though my network is up this morning, whereas last night I was unable to call, text, or access the Internet with my phone. So this makes me happy.

It is nearly six a.m. and I have some reading to do before my morning sadhana. Yesterday was good but seemed very hot. I walked to the lake at lunch and it was quite beautiful.

We had the evening off and there were fireworks all around. Some girls invited me to Tanglewood with them to see James Taylor and Jackson Browne (and fireworks) but I was happy to stay in and relax. Though it was a temping invitation.

I got to know a few more of my classmates last night. There are two really young girls here. One will be going to Yale in the fall and the other to Georgetown. I also talked with another girl who mentioned being "uncomfortable in her skin." It's amazing the range of emotions that come up for me when I talk with others. I felt so much excitement for the young college freshman-to-be and anxiety for the other girl who is so lovely but seems to lack self-confidence. I know what it feels like to be uncomfortable with my body and sometimes it can take a long time to remedy.

Otherwise, today is the final day of our first week and I have decided to travel the short distance home tonight. We have tomorrow off so it will be nice to check in with Aaron and my two little baby dogs. Happy Friday, my friends!

Day Five

Good morning! I may have had time to fire up my little laptop this morning because I actually awoke at 5:10, which gives me over an hour before our first morning session. However, while I am still not fond of typing these posts into my iPhone, it seems to help in my exercise of brevity which I greatly appreciate.

Yesterday was another full day. It was after nine when we ended last night.  In the morning we had a 90-minute self-guided yoga session. I really enjoyed that; I tried to recall and repeat some of my more vigorous sessions at Estudio.

Again, a lot of information and clinic-ing in the afternoon.  It seems that each day I meet a few new people and they are all so wonderful.  A few years back, if someone had told me there were so many happy and content people in the world, it would have been difficult for me to believe. And even though I know there is still a lot of pain and suffering out there, it warms my heart to be around so many joyful and radiant souls.

 In the afternoon we had a lecture on Ayurveda, with some personal care demonstrations. I wish I had more time to write about it. The lecture was profoundly interesting.

Last night we had a program on chanting. The program was not at all what I was expecting. Again, it was wonderfully joyous and jubilant. I will have to look up the name of the instrument our guest used, but there was also a drummer and a simple percussionist. Very delightful.

I believe we have this evening off. I'm looking forward to some down time. Oh yes, and it is July Fourth! Happy Holiday!

Day Four

I have six minutes until morning sadhana and I don't think that is enough time to type a post; but I shall try.

Yesterday was a busy day but filled with good information. Last night we had e beautiful meditation in motion ceremony wherein we all received a set of mala beads. It was all very meaningful. However, the most significant thing I took away was that while I know I am a person who can be quiet, I have a difficult time sitting still.

Namaste.

Day Three

It is nearly six a.m. and I am sitting in the cafe, near a window enjoying the cool morning air.  Once again, I type this post from my phone as my time this morning is limited.

We had our first yoga class of the training program yesterday and I am pleased to report that my prep-work (9-10 classes/week) seemed to help tremendously. There are about seventy students in my class so it was quite the thing seeing so many mats and practicing yogi/nis in one room. All the people I have met have been so lovely, as one might expect.

So far, I believe that practicing moderation in the dining hall may prove to be one of the most challenging tasks of the training. The food is so delicious and there is so much variety...and it's all crazy healthy! Practice, practice.

Today is a full day.  We have yoga (a.k.a. sadhana) at six-thirty this morning and the day will end at nine this evening. We will have an hour for breakfast and dinner and two hours for lunch. That said, I should sign off and head back to my room to gather my things! Namaste :)

PS: please excuse any auto-corrects I may have missed...they are sneaky!

Day Two

I'm typing this post from my iPhone, which is not my preference, however the Internet connection seems to be temperamental this morning so I get to be all 21st century.

Yesterday, upon my arrival, I had to sign some disclosure (or anti-disclosure) statement about name, rights, social networking, blah blah blah, which means I must refrain from using the name of my training program. I'm not really sure what it means. Anyway to be safe, I shall refrain.

Otherwise, I have arrived, settled in, and spent my first peaceful night in the lovely Berkshires. Thank you to my dear friend, Nicole, who drove up with me yesterday.

I attended a yoga class yesterday afternoon and we had our opening program last night...lots of great energy!

We had the morning off and I went for a walk around the campus, which is quite lovely. I just finished a breakfast of granola with soy milk, gluten-free pancakes with blueberry sauce, and a tempeh and potato sausage. Yum!

We have a morning program in twenty minutes so I will close for now. Namaste.

Bully for you!

At the end of our yoga practice, sitting quietly on the mat with our hands in prayer position, we often lift our thumbs to touch our lips, a reminder that "our words matter."  I love this because yes, sometimes we do need a reminder.

As a writer, I have always been aware of the power of words.  As an educator, I am hopeful that the textual world we live in will make us all more cognizant of language and intention.  Yet, I know this will take time.  Living in a culture that prizes high-speed communication over slower, meditative response is arguably more conducive to spreading hurtful words with ill-conceived regard.

Intentions matter. Just as we say things we don't mean, the thoughts we convey in our emails, our text messages, our blogs, matter. Intentions can create heroes worthy of worship or bring nearly irreparable damage to otherwise steadfast relationships.

Words matter.  Language is our vehicle to communicate love, hate, joy, rage, envy and gratitude. There are so many opportunities for misinterpretation. Certainly we can throw in an emoticon or an "LOL" to define our intentions but the truth is, there is no guarantee of how our words will be received.

These things, harmful intentions and quick words, are the culprits of mindless communication.  They are what fuels bullying, not just in the schools with our children but in the work place with our colleagues and on the Internet with our contacts.  Yet the ever-so-bright side is that we have the power to re-set our intentions and to re-think our words.

Our words matter.  I love being reminded of that.  :)

My First 5k

I am not a runner.  Due to my lack of speed, endurance, and proper form, I have never considered myself a runner.   I have never really thought of myself as an athlete. As a kid, I was always chosen last for teams in P.E.. While most of the time this didn't bother me, once (just once!) couldn't I be second-to-last?

In September of 1993, on a glorious afternoon in Columbia, Missouri, I ran my first 5k. I didn't actually run the entire distance of the race (and I still don't).  Technically, I may not have "run" at all.  At one point, I started walking and every runner who passed by (which sort of felt like every remaining runner in the race) either told me I was doing a great job or encouraged me to keep going.  

Columbia is a college town and the race course wound through a neighborhood that butted up against the university campus. There were college kids sitting on their porches watching the runners.  I was still pretty self-conscious back then so I tried not to pay attention to the spectators.  But one bunch of guys had a boombox blaring the Rocky theme as all the runners passed. I couldn't help but laugh.  A testament that unsolicited support often comes when you need it most.

Finishing the race gave me a spectacular feeling of accomplishment.  Part of it was physical but the other part was finally realizing, at the age of 22, that I didn't have to wait to be picked for someone else's team.  I could motivate and inspire myself.  These days I love running 5ks, even if I don't run the entire course.  I always feel that I've checked off some grand goal each time I cross the finish line, that I have, in some way, given myself a wonderful gift.  Namaste :)

Eh, what good is money anyway?

I was supposed to teach a six-week class this summer but the course got canceled.  Initially I was pretty upset.  It wasn't a lot of money, but it was an income.  I couldn't really find another job for just six weeks (I had already committed to my training program at that point), so I accepted the fact that I would not be teaching and embraced the notion of having extra time this summer.

In the past 26 years, I have held at least 25 different jobs ranging from working for a professional show dog handler (where I acquired my love for Shih Tzus) to holding an Associate Dean position (where I acquired my distrust for for-profit education institutions). I had a 15(ish)-year stint as a nanny (such an amazing family) and teaching has been extremely rewarding.  I've also had some fun jobs working at an interior design studio, a real estate company, and a medical library.

There have been some less-than-desirable jobs, such as fry-cooking at McDonald's, commercial cleaning, and yes, that professional show dog gig.  Simply making a living can get in the way of what what we'd like to do or where we'd like to be.  Besides, more often than not, there is no short distance between reality and dreams.

I decided that I wanted to be a yoga instructor because I love yoga.  Yoga brings me joy and I'd like to have the opportunity to share that joy with others.  I essentially depleted what little savings I had to pay for my training.  While some may think that's a huge gamble, I don't see it that way.  As long as the intentions are honest and genuine, anything one can do to invest in one's happiness is worth the sacrifice.  

This particular Friday morning, however, I found my convictions to be less-than comforting.  I was really wishing I'd had a paycheck to deposit into my account.  Sometimes it's tough.  But then I thought about all the ways in which I am truly fortunate and I was able to, once again, feel gratitude.  I am excited about my training and look forward to a time when I can share my good fortune with others. Namaste, my friends.

Beauty and the Best

For a long time I was reluctant to tell people that I had been accepted into a yoga teacher training program. That's just me and my fear of failure (we do a number of things together...or we don't, it depends on which one of us happens to be calling the shots.).  You see, I tend to harbor good news as if it were a dangerous fugitive.  I worry that I may not succeed so in order to keep from disappointing people, I just don't tell them.  

I did tell a few people right away because I was pretty excited.  As I started attending more yoga classes and got to know the "regulars," I felt compelled to share my news with them as well.  But then I didn't want to be that annoying girl in class who is all like, "Look at me! I'm going to yoga teacher training!"  So I kept the news to myself.

Flowers and well-wishes from one of my lovely
yoga instructors :)

Eventually, I decided that sharing the news might be a good thing.  I started by telling some of my instructors then some of the wonderful people in my yoga classes.  The response has been overwhelming.  Everyone -- especially my instructors at Estudio -- has been so amazingly supportive and excited and just plain wonderful about my training.  Of course my friends have been top-notch; they always are.  And my family and Aaron have all been fantastic.  I feel so grateful and so very blessed.  Namaste, my friends, namaste.

Yoga: Version U.0

Once I started taking a wide variety of classes and trying out different instructors, I was exposed to many different poses, techniques, and teaching styles.  I liked the challenge but sometimes the pace of the classes made me feel completely inept.  Not to mention the poses.  Many poses that I had never tried before seemed impossible to get into, especially with only two arms and two legs.

I remember the first time I really tried to do eagle pose.  Initially, every pose seems totally easy and completely doable:  Stand with your legs together. Check. Put your arms out to a "T". Check.  Bring your right knee up. Done. Cross your right ankle over your left knee, slightly softening the left knee.  Okay... Wrap your right leg around your left leg once.  Now wrap it around again.  Now wrap it around again.  And one more time...  What?  Now flap your arms and fly away!  Fly far, far away!! 

Of course, that's not really how to do eagle pose but that was my panicky, John Hughes moment.  I could never (and still cannot) hook that right foot behind my left leg.  But that's okay.  I mean, it was okay after my initial mental freak out.  You see, it's not that I couldn't ever do it.  Just that I couldn't do it right then.  I remember glancing around the studio and seeing that only about half of the other students were able to hook that foot behind their leg.  Noticing how everyone was in a different place was a very metaphorical experience.

What I love about practicing yoga is that it is so personal.  Even when I'm in the studio.  I don't push myself to do more than I can do. Pushing myself like that simply creates mental and physical stress, which defeats the whole purpose of practicing yoga, right?  So I just be where I am most happy.  More often than not, that place will vary each time I come to the mat.  But it is always my place and my practice.  And coincidentally, that's what makes me most happy.  Namaste!

Where I have come from, where I am going...

I was born in Seoul, South Korea.  When I was six-months-old, I was adopted and spent the rest of my childhood and teenage years in a small town in rural central Missouri.  I think I was the only Asian child within a 100-mile radius of my home.  From as far back as I can remember I fielded questions such as “Where are you from?” or “Do you speak Chinese?” or even “Why didn’t your real parents want you?”  I knew that I was different but in my struggle to fit in and “be like everyone else,” I rarely acknowledged that difference.

Small-town dynamics are interesting.  To some, small towns offer a close-knit, everyone-knows-everyone community; to others, that same closeness operates as a judgmental eye continually cast upon individuals within that community; and still to others, it is both.  So growing up, I had endless ambitions but limited confidence.

Self-criticism is a difficult thing to escape and pure self-acceptance is even harder to achieve.  Or at least sometimes it feels that way.  But eventually we learn that the self-criticism – the self- judgment we feel – is simply a barrier to self-acceptance.  It took me many years to learn that.  I had to learn to believe in myself and to trust myself.  I had to find things about myself that I, alone, genuinely liked; and I had to be okay with genuinely liking something about myself.   I had to learn to not be jealous of what others had but to be grateful for the things that I already possessed, none of which were worldly.  So I did learn each of these lessons at various stages in my life.  It took nearly thirty years but, with the help of some unlikely coaches and good friends, I had finally achieved self-acceptance.   While I underwent a tremendous amount of personal growth during graduate school, I honestly believe that because I experienced subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) prejudices growing up in a small town, it became second nature for me to look beyond other people’s appearances and try to truly connect with the person inside.

I was living in Columbia, Missouri when I signed up for my Beginner's Yoga class.  I walked into Alley Cat Yoga Studio in September of 2005 and immediately experienced a peace that, to this day, is difficult to describe.  The owner, Ken McRae, introduced himself to me, talked a little bit about yoga, and signed me up for the class.  While the entire process could not have taken more than twenty-minutes, it seemed as though a radiant spark had ignited within me.  I felt joy.

Although I didn’t have a consistent practice during graduate school, I was always able to experience that same inner peace and radiant joy whenever I returned to the mat.  It seems like such a natural state and yet, for years, I was hardly even aware it existed.  But once I realized it was there?  Not only did I want to harness it for myself, I wanted to share it with others.  It is that powerful.

When I moved to New York in June 2009, I returned to yoga after three years of graduate school.  This time I wanted yoga to have a larger presence in my life.  I found a hot yoga studio that I love (EStudio in Latham) and began to practice there as often as I could.  Now, as I begin the journey to (and through) my 200-hour Yoga Teacher Training program at Kripalu, I invite you to join me.

namaste,

angel